I’ve been struggling with the concept of death of late. I’ve hardly ever known someone to die. It’s a blessing and a curse- it means that as I enter the last 2/3 of my life, everyone I know is going to start dying one by one, myself included.
It makes me wish that I was a religious person- at least then I’d have something to look forward to. I don’t want to live forever. I’m pretty miserable most of the time, have chronic health problems, and dread old age. But that said, I don’t want to go into that dark night.
How do you make peace with your own mortality? To know “this is it.” One day, I won’t wake up and go on being me. It will just be over. I’m jealous of people who live a productive (and/or happy) life. I feel like I’ve already wasted over thirty years accomplishing not much of anything.
I’m afraid of death.