I had a long chat with an old friend this week.  The conversation began
with me telling her about how depressed I was.  We talked about our jobs
(she also works at my company, which we both love), about growing up and
developing goals in life, and just caught up on everyday stuff.  The
conversation ended with her telling me that she loved my positive
attitude, and depressed or not, our chat made her feel better (me too). 

I reminded her that I’ve been dealing with this depression stuff
for a quarter of a century at this point (I mean, it started when I was ten for fucks sake), and one of the things I’ve
learned in that time is that I can’t fix the depression… but I can do
things like make sure to stick with my meds, take a little time for
myself every now and then, find things to laugh about, and try to keep a
positive outlook.  It won’t cure my ailment, but it’ll make it easier
to bear. 

It’s so easy to let the depression suck you into a black
hole of despair, and trying to stay positive can be a little bit tiring,
but you HAVE to.  You have to keep hope.  You have to laugh, even if
it’s only for a few seconds here and there.  You have to keep good people around you
and have a job that you enjoy.  You HAVE to TRY.  Or the disease wins. 

I
felt like crap today, but I got a lot done.  I wasn’t necessarily
pretending to be in a good mood while shoe shopping, but my kid got some
much needed new kicks, I found a pair of purple All Stars for $25, and
we managed to find some other things on our
list.  I went grocery shopping.  I
listed some paintings on Etsy.  And I helped the SO with a kick-ass
dinner.  I even did the dishes (you know, loaded the machine) after
dinner.  I’m exhausted, and I’ve fought back tears a few times today…
but I feel like I accomplished so much.  Tomorrow I have to finish
putting away Christmas crap, but I’ll have the rest of the day to paint
and/or just chill.

‪#‎actuallybipolar‬ ‪#‎notgonnaletitwin‬ ‪#‎kicktheSADtothecurb‬ ‪#‎ievendidthedishestoday‬